Its been hard to write uncensored thoughts on this blog. I never know who will read it and what they will think. Maybe I shouldn't care what they think--but I do.
It doesn't help that my husband is still Facebook friends with practically every girl he ever took to lunch or looked at twice--so in a few clicks they can find out my dirty secrets (or ours). Similarly, any of my exes could type my name into Google one day when they are bored and stumble upon this little gem. Does the whole world need to know about my issues? (Or is that the purpose of blogging--a quasi-anonymity with the benefit of fulfilling that subconscious need for attention???) Anyway...I guess I should try it and see if the world comes crashing down or if no one will read it/care/comment/notice (which I think is the more plausible outcome, and more comforting).
So lately I've been reading a lot about pregnancy. Every time I go into an office I almost pray that I will have to wait 10-15 minutes to see someone so I can sneek a peak at FitPregnancy or Baby magazine. I actually steal these from waiting rooms and read them on my lunch break. (In my defense, I usually only take the ones that are at least a month or two old). I've already figured out what exercise routine I will use so I avoid the "I'm-pregnant-so-I-can-be-a-whale-if-I-want-to" pounds, picked out a kick-ass stroller with more safety features than a luxury car, and decided I will breastfeed if it kills me. Maybe borderline obsessive, you say? Nah. After all, this will be the biggest event in my life thus far. We have talked about when we are going off the pill and start turning all our practice plays into a Superbowl win. How does anyone truly prepare? It hit me that our planned time to pop a bun in the oven (I love pregnancy puns, dont you?) is coming up fast and I have no idea what to expect. But is it too soon to run out and buy books? Should I wait until I'm preggo and then find from What to Expect When You're Expecting that I'm not supposed to drink Red Bull?
Speaking of Red Bull, what if I get pregnant before the planned time and I don't know it? What if I eat the wrong thing or paint my house and harm the fetus? What if C reads this and thinks I'm nuts and refuses to procreate with me? (LOL, yeah...right...)
I guess healthy babies have been born to women who didn't even know they were pregnant and carried on as usual--surely my kid can have two arms, two legs, and a relatively normal-shaped head too?
5 comments:
Are you crazy? Not at all. I've been married only six months now and the baby subject is already completely in the forefront of my mind. It is a discussion we have almost daily and I am super emotional about it. This is my theory, crazy or not...
Not only do I want a baby for a lot of emotional reasons (ex: to bring the love and bond Chad and I have to an even higher level than we already do by sharing our lives together, and to feel that I am needed more than ever by having a human being literally need me in every way possible for survival) but there are physical reasons why I "crave" a baby as well. Do you ever feel a deep, almost physical, yearning feeling to be pregnant? I often feel like my body itself wants and feels a need, or at least the deepest desire, to be pregnant. Its easy to convince your mind to wait awhile longer before trying to grow your family but its a lot harder to make the internal physical pit in your stomach to go away when you think about having a baby. Never knew it would come on so strong or so fast for me. So thank you. I now know I am not alone in this feeling. I hope you realize the same! (Now if only we could convince our husbands we are not insane for how strongly we feel this way. Chad wants kids for sure but he doesn't understand why I am so psycho about it so quickly!)
P.S. Sorry for the novel length comment! :) Miss ya!
haha I have no idea how to prepare either! Maybe I should start reading all of those magazines even though I still have several months before we start planning.
I totally agree with the challenge of being uncensored on your blog. Sometimes I just want to write a post and not care who reads it (relatives, friends, whoever). But I am always hesitant.
Bizz,
I too "crave" a baby. I think once you are married that maternal instinct gets kicked into overdrive. Part of it could be because its the "next step" logically, but I think I felt like you do-- the creation of children is the culmination of the love between two people. I want a little boy with his daddy's eyes and a curly-headed little girl. I want some part of him,outside of him,to nurture and love.
He thinks I'm crazy too. He, too, wants to have kids but I think men are afraid that we will change or not have time for them like we do now while we are childless...
Ana Lee:
How do we work past that? For me, I guess I am a little insecure. Besides, do you really want your sister-in-law reading about your sex life or your difficulties with your marriage? (I don't know how much of that I would blog about, but still.) I guess thats what a journal is for...not that I have kept one since I was a freshman in college.
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