The great divide,
is smaller than any organic chasm.
This space,
the one in between us,
seems insurmountable.
The three strides across the floor,
seem like leagues under the sea.
With my toes on the precipice,
You suddenly step backwards,
and my heart sinks.
That's another day's journey
added to the trek.
Will we ever find the courage
to leap across and find vulnerability
and love, and peace?
Or will we trip into that chasm
to be lost
forever...

perfect fit by The Dresden Dolls

i could make a dress
a robe fit for a prince
i could clothe a continent
but i can't sew a stitch

i can paint my face
and stand very very still
its not very practical
but it still pays the bills

i can't change my name
but i could be your type
i can dance and win at games
like backgammon and life

i used to be the smart one
sharp as a tack
funny how that skipping years ahead
has held me back

i used to be the bright one
top in my class
funny what they give you when you
just learn how to ask

i can write a song
but i cant sing in key
i can play piano
but i never learned to read

i can't trap a mouse
but i can pet a cat
no i'm really serious!
i'm really very good at that

i can't fix a car
but i can fix a flat
i could fix alot of things
but i'd rather not get into that

i used to be the bright one
smart as a whip
funny how you slip so far when
teachers dont keep track of it

i used to be the tight one
the perfect fit
funny how those compliments can
make you feel so full of it



These are the lyrics from a song called the Perfect Fit by the Dresden Dolls. Its an accurate description of my feelings. Hopefully I wont get arrested for plagiarism.

I wish she would stay the fu$% out of my life.
Leave me alone, I dont care.
I am a grown up now; I am a big girl.
I don't need anyone.
Your husband is NOT my dad and never will be.
I don't have a dad and I dont need one.
Don't try to continue your dictatorship of my childhood: I am leading a revolution.
I dont need anyone.
Not even that almost-baby...
not even myself....

BFFFFFs

So I met some new people recently. One is a classmate of C's and then there are some girls from church. I don't think there is anyone in his class who is married.

His classmate, I'll call her Princess Jasmine, is a sweetheart. She's outgoing, and funny, a little crass, and reminds me of my roommate/sister-from-another-mother E. Princess Jasmine, however, is gorgeous. Not just run of the mill pretty, but exotically stunning. Maybe I'm a little insecure around her, especially since my husband is taken with her too. [Read: why can't he ever be friends with ugly girls?]. They have this teasing, easy, comfortable relationship that sometimes I feel a little out of place when I'm around them. Like I'm a stranger interfering. It's only been two weeks and they act like they've been friends their whole lives. She has a long-distance boyfriend, which is helpful

However, she has been more open and warm with me than the church crowd so far.
The church girls invited me to a boot camp on Saturday morning, but I felt like it wsa still hard to reach them. I HATE making new friends: it takes so long to get to that easygoing level. Maybe its because I don't have kids like they do, or that they have been friends for a little while, but I still felt like an observer to their conversations as I drove us to and from boot camp.

So here I am, after three weeks:
--Befriending Sonny's classmates and swallowing my pride/insecurities in regards to Princess Jasmine

--Trying to figure out how to get through to this group of women who don't need me to be their friend but who I need like a fish needs water.

I'm pathetic.