Inspired by the movie P.S. I Love you

We watched the movied "PS I love You" the other night and in between my sobs I thought what I would feel if (heaven forbid) I lost Sonny. So, anyway....



The silence is deafening

As I walk these empty halls—

Full of our things, your things,

But devoid of everything.

I hold my breath

In the hopes that the world

will suddenly stop spinning.

That I can stay right here

Consumed, broken, and lifeless

And not have to move on

Without you.

Each day that passes

Would be an insult to your memory.

Each breath I take

Would be one less for you.

If I don’t leave this spot,

Then you never will either.

Being a first-generation American is a strange phenomenon. I listen to latin music now in a feeble attempt to connect my self to my roots. Its seems I am in a rubber band struggle between my mother's efforts to assimilate us into American society and my efforts to resemble something of who I think Im supposed to be. Am I ruining her 21 years of efforts? No, I think Im just confused. I don't feel as if I fit in with the white kids but I dont quite fit in with the latin kids either. An ex of mine once said that I was exotic enough to be beautiful but American enough to be tolerated for long periods of time ( well he did exactly say it like that but he isn't as eloquent as me--you get the picture). Translation: I have a nice ass but I don't have an accent. How will I teach my children about their heritage when I dont even understand it?