Training Log

Ran: 1.2 miles
Biked: 0
Swam: 10 laps (500 meters)
Highlight of my week: Bought my road bike!
I am officially registered for my very first triathlon!! Here is the link: http://www.gamultisports.com/turtlecrawl.html in case you want to check it out. We are swimming in the ocean, and running and biking a course that is parallel to the ocean. Despite this good news and giving me a renewed focus on my goal, today sucked.

We got up this morning at 4:50. I wasnt sleepy, but my body felt drained. Yesterday in spin class I had an asthma attack after our 15 minute hill and had to run out of the room and fight the nausea. I know Im not pregnant, but I cant explain all this fatigue. My inhaler was low, and I replaced it today--hopefully I will be back on track tommorrow. So, back to today. I got dressed and we went to the gym. I stretched, did a few arm weight exercises and got on the treadmill to try to run. I felt like crap. I was so discouraged. I was tired and angry at myself for being tired and not being able to do much of anything. After that miserable mile, I did some sit ups in the weight room and we went to the pool. I sat on the bench by the edge of the pool and was so overcome by discouragement I didnt want to move. In the locker room as I changed into my swimsuit I kept thinking to myself "I cant do this. Ill never be able to do this. What have I gotten myself in to?". This same defeatist mantra hung over my head as I sat by the edge of the pool and contemplated quitting. I tugged my goggles over my head and plopped into the lane Sonny was in. He noticed my expression and asked me what was wrong. Hot tears pricked my eyes as I shared with him my sentiments. He reassured me in his simple way, telling me that yes, I could do this and no I wasnt going to drown, nor would I collapse just before the finish line in a sweaty dehydrated dead heap. While his words were not profound or sugary, he helped me get through that moment. I dried my eyes as best I could with my wet chlorinated hands and exhaled into the first stroke. While I felt like a failure still, it helped that he supports me and motivated me to at least finish my workout.

I dont expect to win, I expect to come in just behind the octogenarians pushing their sporty walkers across the finish line. But at least I would finish. My biggest fear is that I will hit my ever-present "wall" and not be able to go on...that I will be a failure. I have never done anything this cool in my life (there are no pictures of the time my academic team came in second in our district in high school or the $500 scholarship I won from my team winning the county Envirothon--I am such a nerd). The only trophy I ever earned was from my youth bowling leage: I got the trophy because my teammates were amazing bowlers and I was terrible: their skill + my huge handicap= Champions.My parents were so excited when they heard that I was going through with this that they have planned to drive up for the weekend. What if I disapoint them? What if I fail like when I couldnt break the board during my belt test in Tae Kwon Do (and my tiny little sister, who is five years younger, could?) ?
See? Im pathetic...

I know this post is dark. I'm grateful for my husband and his unfailing support and even his harsher words that get my lazy ass to do things I dont want to do. Here's hoping I can do this...